Happy Anniversary Lara!
by Spirit of Nuka
Summary: Anniversary parody. Furry tomb raider Lara Croft sets out in search of a legendary artifact known as the Skion, while at the same time trying to avoid fursecution and losing her sanity. I suck at writing a Synopsis
1. How to Comission A Wolf

_Disclaimer: I do not own Tomb Raider Anniversary or anything else mentioned in this fic unless stated otherwise. I also do not intend to cause any offence to anyone in any way shape or form; therefore i apologise in advance to anyone who may be offended._

_Now enough of my talking; enjoy the story :-)_

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It was early in the afternoon. World famous archaeologist adventurer and fur fanatic Lara Croft was relaxing in the lobby of 'The Imperial hotel' dressed in her wolf fursuit and reading a book, (well, when I say reading I really mean holding a book in front of her face which concealed a magazine to make herself appear intellectual).

Larson casually made his way over to her and dropped another magazine on the table in front of her which read 'Fur and loathing in Croft manor' on the front cover. 'Now what's a man gotta do to get that sort of attention?' Larson asked in an aroused tone.

Lara glanced at the magazine on the table with disgust. 'Ugh! Those sick bastards in the media just wont leave us furs alone! And if that's the kind of attention you want Larson I hear the producers of CSI are planning another so called 'furry' episode with loads more yiffyness!!! Maybe you could get a part!'

Larson smiled. 'Sounds like fun, but I'm only here to make an introduction.' Larson pulled a satellite-video-link-thingy out of his pocket, pressed the on button and set it down on the table in front of Lara. 'Lara Croft, meet Jaqueline Natla of Natla Technologies.'

_'Natla technologies!'_Lara thought to herself with disgust. _'Nothing there but a bunch of furverts!!!__ They're partly the reason us furs got this bad reputation!!!'_

Natla appeared on the screen reading a book colourfully titled 'The Furverts Guide To Enjoyable Yiffing'. 'Wow!' Natla said engrossed with her book and unaware that Lara could see her. 'So that's what I've been doing wrong all this time.' Natla glanced up at the screen and noticed Lara; she immediately threw her book away and put on a serious tone. 'Good afternoon Ms Croft. My research department despite being solely concerned with developing new technology to put the Japanese out of business has randomly turned it's focus to dusty and useless relics; and I'm led to believe that if I wave a great big wad of cash in your face you'll roll over, jump through hoops, play dead and find them for me.'

Lara scowled at Larson. 'I'm afraid SOMEONE has misled you; I only play either for sport, cuddles or cookies.'

Natla sighed and produced two bags of cookies. 'Plain or double chocolate chip?' She asked.

Lara raised one eyebrow. 'What kind of a question is that?!'

'Double chocolate chip then.' Natla replied as she put both bags away. 'Now on to business; you and your father wasted many years of your lives trying to track down the Skion of Atlantis. All you needed...'

'Hold on a sec.' Lara interrupted. 'I thought it was spelt 'S.C.I.O.N' not 'S.K.I.O.N'?'

'Not in this story.' Natla replied. 'We changed it to avoid being sued for copyright infringement. Now as I was saying; all you needed was the location of my brothers...err I mean Qualopecs tomb.

Laras eyes suddenly lit up with interest; 'you've found Vilcalalalalabamba?!'

Natla smiled evilly. 'How quickly can you get to Peru?'

Lara was puzzled. 'Hmmm...how long would it take me to walk to Peru? I...'

'WILL YOU JUST GET YOUR ARSE ON THAT PLAIN SO I CAN BEGIN TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!!!' Natla shouted; then having realised what she said, put on a more polite tone. 'Errr...I mean... WILL YOU JUST GET YOUR ARSE ON THAT PLAIN SO LARSON CAN BEGIN TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!...Dam, I need to think before I speak.'

Natla looked up at the monitor on her side to see the words 'Connection lost'. She was so enraged that she didn't notice Lara lose interest and change channel just before she started shouting. Lara was now watching the latest instalment of 'The Funday Pawpet Show' on the internet.

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_What do you think so far? I know it's a slow start but it'll start to pick up a bit in the next chapter. In the mean time please review and i'll update the next chapter as soon as i can._


	2. Wolves, Vampires and Bears, Oh My!

_Laras__ Father (The narrator): Vilcalalalalabamba continues to elude us; but I insist that we press on in spite of these failings. Everyone thinks I'm a crack pot for believing that Atlantis was the foundation from which every known civilisation was built and that it contains a device capable of transporting humans to planets far across the galaxy. It must be true; the magical pixie fairy living in my ear promised me. I find that Lara is the only one who thinks I'm sane. Probably because she knows that if she dare question me I'll throw her out onto the streets. For I am the great Lord Croft, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!_

Lara stood at the foot of the mountain side again dressed in her full wolf fursuit; except now with an additional brown backpack, grapple hook and pistols; she was making notes in her journal (when I say notes I really mean random scribbling and doodles).

She was waiting for her guide to finish climbing up the ladder so she could get up there and get on with the story. Suddenly the ladder broke; the guide only just caught the ledge and climbed up. 'I'm sorry!' The guide shouted in English. 'I didn't bring enough rope!'

Lara was pretty slow witted and hadn't caught on to the fact he could understand English. 'Not...to...worry!' She shouted slowly whilst performing various hand movements. 'I'll...find...another...way...up!' The guide just sighed and shook his head.

Lara looked around for the best possible way up. After climbing up several ledges and falling flat on her face several times she eventually arrived at the entrance to the mountain caves. 'Geez!' Lara said to herself. 'This was a lot easier in the first game!'

So Lara climbed to the top of the door and pressed a button causing the doors to open. The guide stared inside the caves and saw several glowing eyes. 'Oh no!' He said to himself. 'This was painful enough in the first game.' With that several wolves charged out of the cave after the guide. 'HELP MEEEEE!!!!' The guide shouted like a little girl.

Lara saw the wolf pack from above. 'WOLFIES!!!' She shouted like a little girl with a smile; and with that Lara dived off the ledge with her arms open. 'Me wanna huggle the wolfies!!!'

The guide saw no hope for himself so he braced himself for severe pain. But surprisingly nothing happened. The guide opened his eyes to see Lara on the ground pretending to be a wolf and playing with them. The guide could not believe it; one minute they were vicious blood thirsty wolves, the next minute they were harmless puppy dogs.

Lara continued to play with the wolves. The guide got impatient. 'You people are crazy!!' He shouted. 'Why do you waste your time pretending to be those filthy animals!!!'

The wolves suddenly stopped and gasped at the guide (yes that includes Lara). Lara became enraged. 'FURSECUTION!!!!!!!' She shouted while pointing an accusing finger at the guide. The real wolves began growling viciously at the guide then started chasing him around in a comical fashion.

Lara turned and looked at the open cave doors; she turned back to the guide to see he had climbed up the side of a huge snowy rock and was clinging on for dear life as the wolves growled at him viciously from below (well at least this time round he didn't get killed). One wolf was able to jump high enough to bite the guides behind.

'YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!' The guide shouted with pain. Suddenly his trousers were torn off by the wolf revealing his huge red heart boxers.

Lara entered the mountain caves and the doors closed behind her. After 'dodging' some darts and doing some more climbing Lara eventually came to a huge pathway leading to another tomb area. As Lara made her way down the pathway two bats started flying towards her. Without mercy she drew her pistols and killed both bats dead. Then suddenly a third bat emerged; however before Lara could kill it a huge puff of smoke engulfed the bat.

Lara could hear the sound of coughing and spluttering coming from the smoke. When the smoke cleared standing in front of her was none other than Count Dracula. 'Blaa!!!' Dracula snapped with a menacing smile. 'I vant to suck your...vat the hell?!'

Lara was confused. 'You want to suck my what the hell?!'

Dracula was equally confused. 'vy are you vearing that ridiculous costume?'

'It's my fursona.' Lara replied as she did a twirl to model her fursuit. 'Sally the Wolf.'

'Fursona?' Dracula replied. 'I thought it vas pronounced persona?'

'That's a human persona.' Lara replied. 'An animal persona is called a fursona.'

'Oh now I know vat you are. You're von of those insane cookie obsessed furries.'

Lara shrugged her shoulders. 'Meh, I don't care; I have friends who like me. So why are you here again?'

Dracula snapped his fingers. 'Oh yeh! I vant to suck you're blood!!'

Lara scowled at Dracula 'you can suck my arse cos I aint given you any of my blood!!'

Dracula sighed. 'At least I tried; man vat am I doing vong?!'

'Maybe you shouldn't come off all forceful on a girl.' Lara suggested. 'That might increase your chances.'

'I suppose. In any case I'm parched; you got any vater on ya?'

'Sure.' Lara reached into her backpack, pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to Dracula.

'Thankyou.' Dracula replied as he drank the water. Suddenly Draculas skin began to burn and dissolve in a furious display of smoke.

Lara was confused. 'Huh? It was fine when I drank it.'

'This is holy water you idiot!!' Dracula shouted as he began to dissolve into a bloody pile of clothes.

Lara picked up the bottle and examined it. 'Hey this isn't my water bottle, I wrote my name on the side of mine; where's my water bottle?'

_Elsewhere in the world_

Father Patrick was busy trying to exercise a demon from the body of a possessed young girl as she lay on her bed shouting various evil remarks. 'THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!!!!!!' Father Patrick yelled as he splashed the girl with what he thought was holy water. To Father Patricks surprise nothing happened so he splashed her again. Then Father Patrick examined the side of the bottle to read 'Lar Crofs Dinking Watr'.

'Dam it!' He yelled. 'I must have picked up the wrong bottle when I was at Laras house this morning.'

_Back In __Peru_

After narrowly surviving a huge plunge Lara eventually arrived in a room with two rope bridges and a pit containing two wolves. The two wolves looked up at Lara; they took one look at her fursuit and within seconds fell in love with her. Lara started crossing the first rope bridge which snapped as she was half way across.

Both wolves quickly raced and dived underneath her to break her fall. Unfortunately when Lara landed on the wolves she severed their spinal columns and killed them both. However neither wolf could really complain, for in death they had saved their one true love.

Lara mourned both of the wolves before climbing up the broken bridge and proceeding across the second bridge to the next room. The next room housed a pit with a rope dangling over it. Lara jumped for the rope...missed and landed flat on her face in the pit.

Lara hauled herself to her feet and noticed a bear standing in a nearby tunnel. 'YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!' The bear shouted as it ran towards Lara. The next thing Lara knew she was being lifted off the ground and swung round in a huge bear hug. 'FRIEND! FRIEND! FRIEND! FRIEND!' The bear shouted jumping up and down hysterically.

Lara started gasping for breath. 'As much as I love hugs, can you please put me down I'm starting to lose vision in my right eye.'

The bear dropped Lara on the ground and smiled at her. 'I'm not lonely any more, I have a new friend.'

Lara was confused. 'Friend? Me? Listen, I think you're great and everything but I really need to...'

Lara saw the bear begin to cry. 'Please don't go!' The bear begged. 'I've been so lonely all these years!'

Lara suddenly became concerned. 'You mean you don't have any family or friends?'

'Nope. They all died years ago and I've been on my own ever since.'

'There there.' Lara said as she hugged the bear to comfort him. 'Listen, I just need to find a useless artefact for this evil lady. I promise you that once I find it I'll come back, take you back to my place and you'll never be alone again.'

'Winnie!!!' A female voice shouted from inside the tunnel the bear had just come from. Lara looked into the tunnel to see a female bear wearing bright red lipstick and a bright red dress. 'Who's she!!!' The female bear asked furiously.

Lara was equally surprised. 'I thought you said you were alone!!'

The bear started sweating with nerves. 'Yeh...erm...well...you see...'

The female bear clobbered the male bear on the head with a rolling pin. 'I can't believe you're having an affair with someone of a different species!!!!'

'You're married?!!!!' Lara asked furiously before slapping the bear as hard as she could across the face. 'Well I never!!!' Lara shouted as she furiously climbed up the side of the wall and proceeded through the entrance to the city of Vilcalalalalabamba.

'My mother was right about you!!!!' The female bear shouted furiously. 'Don't marry him, he'll only break your heart!!!'

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**_Laras__ Journal_**

_(As you all know in Anniversary Lara Croft carries a journal which allows you to hear what she thinks and provide you with useful tips (basically she just states the obvious). Well you've all read what's actually happened to Lara so far in the story. But what does she have to say on the situation? Well at the end of every chapter there will be a section called 'Laras Journal', in which you get the opportunity to read (if you can make out her handwriting) what she wrote in her journal during the chapter, get her thoughts on the situation so far and fill in some of the blanks.)_

_The Hike Up To The Entrance_

1. Gosh this hike ain't half a snore!! I knew I should have brought my PSP to entertain me.

2.Why did Natla give me a guide who can't speak any English? It's not like she can't afford it!!

3. Why is it I have to always take the hard route and all those around me get the easy route?

_Inside The Cave_

1. Note to self; learn how to dodge darts because pulling them out aint half painful.

2. Considering this place is supposed to have been abandoned for so many years there aint half a load of modern pickups such as Medi Packs.

3. Must have picked up Patricks Holy water by mistake when he came round for morning tea.

4. FK my leg hurts from the fall. Gah!!! Well that's one medi pack wated and this is only the first level!!!

5. Awwww, those poor wolfies :-( I promise your deaths won't be in vain my furry little friends.

6. Wasn't there a big door between the caves and Vilcalalalalabamba which I had to open by pulling two levers?

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What do you think so far? I'll update as soon as i can but in the mean time please review :-) 


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